Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Losing the weight

I decided to write about losing weight as well as infertility since they go hand in hand. Since I have begun all these treatments I have gained about 7 kilos of weight. I have decided to take a two months break to get myself back on track and lose those stubborn kilos. My first week back I lost 1.5 kilos, 2nd week nothing even though I did the same as first week just added exercise. I least now I am exercising regularly again. With all the treatments every time I think I am pregnant I have to stop. This third week has not been going so well. Shabbat was difficult. Sunday I had the worst sugar cravings the whole day until I gave in at night. Monday I ate at MCDONALDS!!!! My worst enemy. BUT Today is a new day. I havent worked out yet but I will. I can make the good choices to honor and respect my body.

On to bigger and better things...

Sunday, January 11, 2009

New Cycle

I got my period last night at 1 in the morning. Ever since I have started this TTC journey my cramps for my period are worse. I have to chose a day this week I am going to go in to start my next cycle. Same thing again, same hopes up once more. I really hope my left side starts to work this cycle as my right falopian tube seems to be seriously underactive. It is all in G-ds hands and I hope and pray that he see fit soon to help us conitnue our family. I will keep doing what I need to do to make that happen.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Thank G-d For Shabbat

I dont know what I would do without my weekly shabbat. For those of you who are not religious or not Jewish you dont realize how much you are missing. It is a day disconnected from all necessities, a day to just be with your loved ones without distraction. It forces you to remeber and appreciate all the good things you have.  A day to slow down and take a breath. A day to stop thinking about all the problems we have.

Thank G-d for Shabbat!

Thursday, January 8, 2009


One accomplishment I am really proud of that I have done in this past year is lose 20kilos ( 45ibs). I feel good and exercise regularly. The funny thing is that I dont feel skinny. It is true what they say that people who are heavy and get thinner still think of themselve as big.

I look at my dreaded belly that I hate so much and think how huge it is then realize it must be nothing to what it looked like before!!

Anywas I lost this weight to get fertile, ( it worked with my daughter) but so far no luck. My periods are more normal in terms of timining but the hormones still dont seem to be enough.


What people need to know to understand why this infertility is so hard for me is that I am from a religious family. In my communitty the average family size is 6 kids. Everyone assumes you have more children. They see me with my daughter and ask were are the other ones. 

I think what hurts also is that no one in my family has acknowledged my stuggle with infertility. They dont say a word to me. To be fair what do I expect them to say, I dont know but it would be nice to have someone besides the dh to complain to.

The journey

About a year ago I finally got myself together and decided to see why for the past 2 years I wasnt able to get pregnant.  1 year later and I am still trying to find out why and how I can get pregnant. I am undergoing fertility treatments that are not fun and get your hopes up over and over again each cycle. I did get pregnant once but it ended in a miscarriage. I just went through another let down today. HCG was negative, it means again next cycle I have to start again...

My Struggle

I decided to start writting this blog because I need to talk to someone, let something out somewhere. My family doesnt really know what I am going through if at all and my close friends dont get it and are busy.

I suffer from secondary infertility. I didnt know this existed until it happened to me. We had our daughter 4 years ago without much trouble ( 8 months after getting married I got pregnant) but since then nada. I am sure some people are thinking well at least you have one child ( that is what my mom says). I love my daughter with all my heart and I think G-d sent me the best but... I expected to give her siblings right? cause once you have one shouldnt the others come also. IT is having that expectation shattered that hurts alot. Once you have one how could you not want to have more.

If I had suffered to get her I think I would feel different..maybe.